Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day: Remembering Havoc

On August 10, 2016, I found out that the baby I was carrying no longer had a heart beat. Havoc, the name I gave it for the time being, had barely grown since the first ultrasound. My heart sank.

Havoc at 7 week ultrasound.

Hubs and I had been talking this year that we should start trying for a family. In June, we decided that we would start trying after he returned from his two month business trip. About week after he flew out, I found out that I was pregnant. We were excited (more him), and we were anxious (more me), but we knew that we would be ready when the little one arrived.

I had my first ultrasound in the middle of July. Seeing the little bean on the monitor and hearing its heart beat made me melt. I was beginning to be less anxious and more excited about being pregnant. 

However, the doctor was cautious. She had noted the baby was a little small and some blood that was pooling outside of the placenta and noted that sometimes it was an indicator of a possible miscarriage. To be sure she wanted me to go back in two weeks to follow up. 

A few weeks after the miscarriage, I found out that I had a partial molar pregnancy. This kind of pregnancy happens in roughly 1 of 1500 women and results from fertilization of an egg with two sperm. (Basically, Havoc had an extra set of chromosomes) Since this kind of pregnancy has the (very very low) potential to lead to another disease, Hubs and I will have to wait for about six months before we can try again for a baby. 

I admit that it still hurts. It hurts because we were excited to be Havoc's parents and excited for the life we would have had.

Goals, goals, ....

I have survived September, which was full of multi-day panels that I had to set up and run.

Now that things are less chaotic, I'm going to start working towards my get healthier goals.

• Goal #1: Work out 3-4 times per week. 
• Goal #2: Eat cleaner and track my food and water consumption. 

These two things work for me when it comes to losing weight, but my one problem is consistency and accountability. To help with that on the exercise side, I've signed up to work with a personal trainer at my gym. I'll meet up with him twice a week, and will do "homework" - some other exercise - twice a week.

On the food side, I've signed up to work with a nutrition coach who also works with my sister. She's had good results with her, so why not. I have to do weekly check-ins where I get measurements taken and she tracks my progress. The meal plan she has me on has bigger meals than I've had on previous plans (where I felt like I was so restricted I would get cranky just from thinking about it). The other thing she wants me to do is drink more water... like a gallon a day (128 fluid ounces!). I'm working up to that. 

So what else....

Oh... starting numbers:

• Weight: 148 lbs
• % Body Fat: 24.70
• Which means I have 37 lbs of fat
• 11lbs is essential 
• 21 lbs is reserve 
• 5 lbs is excess <-- the stuff I need to lose!

It's been a while....

In the past few months year or so, I have ...

• been diagnosed with Type II diabetes,
• changed jobs,
• celebrated 5-years of marriage with my husband,
• found out that I was pregnant,
• had a miscarriage, and
• gone on a vacation to Thailand. 

In all reality, that is a lot! The second, third, and last bullet are awesome, but the rest... not so much.

After being considered pre-diabetic for years, I was formally diagnosed with Type II diabetes in December 2015. After realizing that my exercise routine really wasn't one (aspiration not actualization), I decided that I would go to a personal trainer to hold me accountable. So, I signed up at the gym in the same building as my new job... and in the same night I found out that I was pregnant. Well, that put the weight loss and get healthy goals on hold, at least I thought. 

The shortened version of my pregnancy story is that a few weeks later is that I miscarried due to the fact that I had a partial molar pregnancy. While the hubs and I want really want to take the next steps with the family side of our life, that has been put on hold until next spring. 

Now, I can re-start my weight loss and get healthy goal. To put it more tangibly, I want to lose enough weight and body fat to reduce the amount of medication I'm taking to combat the Type II diabetes.